Kenya: Who, What, Where....when?

So I know the last "update" on my Kenya trip was vague...but I now have some more details :-)

Where: well the title tells ya :-)

Who: Serving in Mission, I'll be going with them and working at Tenderfeet, an early childhood school for the beautiful children from Kibera, a large slum near Nairobi.

What: Teaching: art, Bible, and various other things in the infant and toddler classes

When: broadly speaking July and August, 8ishweeks

Dates: coming...

                                                                         Can't Wait...

Image courtesy of www.tenderfeetkids.org

Forcing Rest

It's a dreary, rainy, Friday afternoon. I'm weezing and coughing my way through the day and miserably failing at fighting them off. It's been a full, roller-coaster week. Today, I've been encouraged by Chambers to serve well, in light of Christ, to put Him as my center, and I had a great day with the kiddo- it's so rewarding and encouraging to see him grow, daily, weekly.  I guess I'm in a season of figuring out how to work out my salvation in diverse tangible ways. I don't want to be stagnant, complacent.  I think one of my biggest struggles, however, is taking time for rest.  I tend to go full steam ahead until I get sick...At a retreat I went to a few years ago the speaker remarked that Jesus had balance.. of rest and work, eating and fasting, and solitude and companionship. Admittedly, my weakness is in resting. Two of the most influential books I've read, Spiritual Depression by Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones, and Future Grace by John Piper, discuss how essential grasping the Gospel, especially the centrality of the doctrine of Justification, is to working out our faith, not working to prove our faith or worthiness. I  am in a season of understanding justification, of resting in its promise and security. In THAT I can rest, knowing I dont have to work to be loved, to be secure, to prove myself.

More Beautiful You

Do you know there could never be a more beautiful you? I don't mean the dressed up, make-uped, spanxed, version of you; but YOU--rolling out of bed after a late night of sorrow--THAT you, is beautiful.
     I'm not talking about the superficial; looks, figure, hair, complexion, etc. aspects that were never meant to define you. Culture changes--looks fade, wrinkle,  get scarred. But true beauty remains. How much freedom would be felt when you take off the mask of makeup, the facade you think you have to present, I don't know, but I do know that your beauty would remain.
     How sweet it is to grasp that no matter what laugh lines, love handles, and blemishes make up you--you are loved. I know all too well how unattainable, air-brushed standards can weigh you down, torment your thoughts, tell you lies about your worth, beauty, and the chances of you being truly loved. I know how one remark about a "flaw" you already are aware of can break you, convince you that you are not beautiful, and frankly, don't have a chance. Those lies penetrate our hearts with fear and inadequacy and don't have to be true for them to be effective in our hearts and lives. They are vicious, subtle, and virtually omnipresent--but they're not all there is.
      There is more. There is truth. There is the supernatural truth that crushes the superficial lies. You are the apple of God's eye (Psalm 17:8). You are knit together for a purpose (Psalm139:13). You are delighted in and sung over (Zephaniah 3:17). This standard is not based on what your looks are, where you've been or where you're going-its based on the opinion of the one who made you, calls you His own. He looks at your ransomed heart and loves it. He loved you when you were His enemy. Even if you, dear reader, never know Him, He loves you. He died for you, calls out to you to know His love, not to change, to work for an unattainable goal; but to accept His unconditional love. This day, know you are loved and let this truth seep into your soul--there could never be a more beautiful you.

All things for good

It has been a hectic middle of February....from art shows(one of the best saturdays this year thus far), to Sunday School, to the ever lovely Seattle rainy traffic. I have been strained, stressed, tired, and drained. I've also grown and been encouraged in So many ways. It's been amazing that in conjunction with the busy weeks and all the banes and blessings of community, there's also been a study flow of sermons, teaching, and excerpts from readings that have encouraged and reminded me that "God takes everything you've gone through, every season you and I are in, all the junk, and even God detests the junk, but God uses it and he uses it to fill his kingdom, to proclaim his fame, and put the joy of Christ in us. And you just need to know that today" (Pastor Darren Young).

I am so humbled that God works in my circumstances, through my mistakes and the mistakes of those around me. Community and relationships are messy, but the cross is sufficient. I am not totally, irrevocably, responsible and I am so thankful. I have grown a lot the last few weeks. I don't have to, nor can I, prove myself. I am thankful. As I head into the rest of the week (wahoo, midwinter break for the kiddos) my prayer is that I can live out Isaiah 30:15b "In returning (repentance) and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength" (ESV).  I will mess up, I will need to repent--daily, but I have hope. I am hemmed in, before and behind.

Now for some random Monday musings. movies, inspirations, etc. that have impacted me recently:

Hope and God's Righteousness, Dan Braga Taproot Church

Thinking You're Naked- a moving article by Jon Acuff

And these two videos blew me away!
A Man's Promise 
and this amazing video of a church living out the gospel -virtually impossible to watch without tearing up!

Have a blessed week!

Monday Musings

It has been an eventful few weeks. I have been stretched, drained, and encouraged. Tonight’s post will be a random smattering of thoughts, anecdotes, and song lyrics; a glimpse inside my thoughts.

I am so excited for upcoming things: showing a few of my paintings and photography, Kenya!, mid winter break, to name a few…

I am incredibly blessed to teach Sunday school and am frequently amazed at how often they teach me! Here are some of their quips and insights:

- You know Joseph was like God but he wasn’t God because he was Jesus’ dad too but only on the world.

- Was David a rockstar?

- But they look just like us!! (about children with disabilities in a book called “Just the Way I am”)

- Garden, snake, eat apple, OH NO!

- Um, Elise, did you know Jesus was God? Cuz you really need to know that!

- Sorry everybody, I had an accident about God. (when being corrected that God is perfect/good)

- I LOVE YOU, GOD!!!- post prayer shout out

Similarly, I’ve been catching up on the sermons by Darren Young, at Langley Evangelical Free Church, the one I attended when I was in college. The sermons have been on Nehemiah and they have been incredibly timely and encouraging.

-         I don’t think the problem is that we have problems in marriage; it’s that we don’t expect them…as if our vows were just a pretty poem to amuse our guests and without meaning.

-         Love isn’t haphazard and it isn’t half-hearted. It is intentional and deliberate…the only people who don’t think that are a handful of married guys and most of the single ones.

-         Words and lies don’t have to be logical or factual to be effective. They just have to tug at your heartstrings, fears, dreams, and desires.

Lastly, the words of this Bethany Dillon song, For My love, are ones that after the song randomly came up on my ipod have been ringing in my head.

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you'd fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What's deep in my eyes
I'm scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head

And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you'd fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won't wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Four Years Out—Embracing the New Normal

            This Thursday will be four years since I received hearing aids. These four years have flown and drudged by. They’ve been easier and harder than I’ve expected. They’ve been entirely paradoxical. I’ve been fearful, courageous, angry, resigned, and resilient often in the same day or hour. The reality of a “new normal” doesn’t hit you all at once—kind of like adjusting to a new hairstyle—but with lasting implications. Adjusting to life with hearing loss is a process; in fact, the new normal and its definitions change as you grow.

            Today I still have many of the same emotions—fear, complacence, frustration, to name a few, but what has changed is their frequency and intensity. I can’t function without faith and hope. I’ve learned that faith doesn’t mean I don’t have fear; rather, I’m not ruled by it. Unlike this time four years ago, I don’t have weeks gripped by grief, fear of the unknown, or aches due to the mental transition that sensory changes bring. Those times are becoming few and far between and less debilitating. They often come at night or at times of mishearing embarrassment; but I don’t approach them with the same perspective.

            I guess the biggest change with the passing of time has been perspective. Yes, the onset of my loss at 20 years old changed my life, but it didn’t destroy it—it has enriched it. Four years ago I couldn’t have anticipated the good that comes from grief; a God-appointed trial. I have so much more patience than I used to and I’m more of a “glass half full” person than I was. It’s ironic, but I think the things that initially rock your life actually end up grounding you in the long run. Those instances, seasons, illnesses, changes, etc. become pillars of hope; reminding you life does go on. There is hope in the midst of uncertainty,. You will be encouraged, persevere, and adjust.

            If I could go back to myself four years ago, I would weep again, cry out again, be angry, be real. In facing our fears, even embracing the reality of them, there is freedom. I would let myself grieve in light of tremendous grace. I think I’ve learned so much these four years because, by the grace of God, ive been able to be real. Like David eloquently demonstrates, there is a peace in stating your fears and grief—they don’t seem as formidable at the foot of the cross.

            To anyone at the beginning stages of loss of any kind, let yourself be real. There is hope but it’s okay to grieve, to be angry, to hurt. This season is one of change and it will rock you but eventually it will root you. It will help you to see what you really can’t live without, what really matters. Remind yourself of who Jesus is, what He has done, how He works. Surround yourself with true friends who can weep with you and rebuke the debilitating despair when you can’t even see past it. For there to be beauty in brokenness you have to let yourself break. It’s not weak, it’s wise—wise to trust, to feel, to trust that tragedy is encompassing but not ultimate. I pray that four years from now you too will be able to see the good in the grief; not necessarily for what happened, but from the good that does come. There is hope.