“I don’t know how to very much, can you show me?” Expectant
eyes, paintbrush poised, ready to learn and bring her vision of a painting
alive.
Little did my niece know, she was teaching ME a lesson.
We painted, I modeled techniques and occasionally guided her
hand, provided examples, and gave encouragement. All the while delighting in
the process and the outcome. She had the vision and the courage, I helped her
bring it to life.
Later on, the essence of her eagerness and energy still lingering
in my apartment, I watched different girl tackle another dream—this one I related
more to—the Amazon movie, “Brittany Runs a Marathon”. In the movie, Brittany,
well, runs a marathon- but more importantly, she learns to let people into her
life and heart. Poised at what feels like
rock bottom, she comes to learn that she is worthy of being seen, helped, and
encouraged. In reality, she’s loved even before she begins—the people who
cheered her on before Brittany first ties her laces, are the ones who cheered
her on at the end.
As the credits rolled, I knew that these events had coincided in
my life this day for a reason. I couldn’t
help but see the parallels of the painting and the marathon. In both, the
finish was beautiful- but mainly because of the process. Both females had a
goal, a vision, something they needed guidance with—one invited it from the
beginning, the other literally ran from it.
I too, have a similar choice.
Will I eagerly accept help and guidance-or will I fight to keep my walls
up as long as possible? Yes walls keep bad things out—and they’re probably
there for a reason (I’m looking at you, complex trauma)—but walls can also keep
the good things away. They can hinder intimacy, vulnerability, and a full range
of human experience- they can keep you from finishing the proverbial painting
or training for the marathon.
One thing Brittany learned as she ran, was that she was often
her own worse enemy- she had to let herself in and honor her own boundaries. In
thinking of this, I was reminded of the quote from “Indestructible” where
another timely encounter included the wisdom that “a woman, my dear, will marry
a man who wants her about as much as she wants herself” (Allison Fallon).
But, I think that truth also applies on a bigger scale, and in
all areas of life. We often accept help in the measure that we accept and acknowledge
our common humanity. When I know that I am human-everyone has peaks and valleys
in their life, my place is secure. I can live out of security that I have value
and worth regardless of my abilities, performance, or beauty- then I can accept
and give help freely- I can be in relationship with others who want me as much
as I want myself.
So tonight, as the credits rolled, and I smiled at the mental
image of the finished painting. I prayed for God to teach me how to accept help,
intimacy, and love from Him and others. And
to have courage dream big, in ways that would change my life. To start training
for my proverbial marathon by boldly envisioning the life he is calling me to, take
the next step. Secure in knowing that he will be faithful as I humbly say—“I
don’t know how, very much, but—can you show me?”
