What Did Minneapolis Mean? September 20, 2011

           It’s been a little over two months since I spent eight days in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I just finished reading yet another edifying and encouraging blog post by John Knight (Check it out here), one of the many people I was privileged to meet with. As I finished, I was struck with the question “What did Minneapolis mean?” What was the trip’s purpose, where should it lead me? Even now, I am humbled and amazed by how God brought he trip together, and I went almost in spite of myself. I’m not impulsive an had no idea that a random, late night conversation with a “come to Minneapolis this summer” passing line would be the spark that led to eight days of stepping out in faith. Eight days of going to a city I had only visited once before to stay with people I had only met once, to meet with established ministry heads, simply as a young Seattleite with a heart for disability ministry. I feared before I went; feared being an imposition, not knowing the wonderful people I was to meet, the conversations I was to have, and the blessed ride it would be.  IT was SO not like me—and so like Jesus.

            So like Jesus to ask me to step out and trust Him. Trust that He would (and did) provide transportation, words for the meetings, and so many new acquaintances and times with friends that encouraged and inspired me. I met and got to know so many people who spoke volumes about the Body of Christ simply by being themselves—humbled servants of Jesus.  True to His character, the trip wasn’t what I expected (a day longer, almost getting hit by a car, driving an Explorer, to name a few) and just what I needed to grow. I was stretched to trust, surprised by the details of how He hemmed me in, before and behind, and grateful that He reveals His wisdom and plans in His perfect timing. The unexpected conversations, time with family, and new friendships sparked renewed joy as I put myself out there, letting Him be my guide and guard.

            Its two months later; and where does the trip fit now? Do I see it as a faith fluke, just a trip? That the conversations and their implications have run their course? Or do I reflect and regroup, determined not to let it solely be a past memory, but an aspect of present and future direction and change? This note is an indication of the latter. I want to live more like I did in those eight days—trusting Him to meet my tangible needs. In order to do that, I have to get out of my comfort zone, live in a way where I’ll be in trouble if He doesn’t show up.  Secondarily, I need to live in the body, lean on them because iron does sharpen iron. I need to seek that community out and be an active member in it. (oh, I teach Sunday school, attend a small group, but that doesn’t equate a strong spiritual intimacy or transparency, or a dependence on the other indispensable members of the body). Also, I don’t want to live in fear; of hardship, awkwardness, or honest heart conversations that will change friendships. Each of those occurred in the eight days and I grew exponentially, in the both the confusion and confirmation.

            Similarly, the guest preacher this week challenged us to ask the Holy Spirit, “what’s next”? I think this is an aspect of that for me—what’s next in light of the lessons in faith, and connections forged in Minneapolis? Do I move? Where and how should I continue to step out in faith? I have no idea, but I know this—He leads guides, wills and works for His good pleasure. It is my job to step out, trust, and obey. Just like my time in Minneapolis, I can’t see where He’ll lead me next, but I know it will be for my good and His glory.

I Wanna Love You Today

Yes, I posted this last night and took it off. But for whatever reason I feel compelled to re-post it today. It's personal, but it may resonate with others....

I Wanna Love You Today

Sitting here alone tonight,

painting my nails red, thinking about the day I’ll meet you;

when I’ll wear white,

overwhelmed by the fact that I wanna love you today.

I don’t know your name, your face, or where you are,

All I know is that one day I’ll have a piece of your heart,

you’ll hold my hand, and I’ll understand,

 it was all worth it,

Loving you today.

I can’t look into your eyes, but I can prepare for the day they shine,

As you gaze into mine,

By loving you today.

Loving you in my actions, my emotions, guarding my heart,

Not wanting anything, anyone, to taint any part of me meant for you.

Cultivating character, being a Godly wife,

Is rooted in my walk, as Christ IS my life.

Wanting to be a wife of strength and beauty,

starts today as I live a life of love, not of duty.

Living this day in light of loving you for a thousand tomorrows,

Future joy already lifting today’s sorrows.

I can love you today in light of His grace,

Knowing in His time, your hand will be in mine.

I can love you by waiting,

Not throwing my heart to the ground,

Expecting you to be happy to pick up shattered pieces I let go, gave away, 
to someone just messing around.

Many won’t understand, will wanna give me a hand,

Shaking their heads as I go about my day,

As I trust in His time, like anything in life, it’s always better that way.

Right now I don’t understand the wait,

I don’t even know your name,

He knows when we’ll meet, when life will never be the same,

But for now, at least I know how I can love you today.

Please ask me if you'd like to copy this or use it. Thanks.

Elise 

Providentially Persistent Dreams September 13, 2011

            Everyone dreams; 3, 30, 90, no matter what age we all have desires, goals, regrets, that consistently drift through our minds. It’s part of our nature to have wishes and longings; often about changing the past or the future. Many times we see these dreams as flighty or impossible, destined to be on instant replay in our daydreams but never to be fulfilled. We seem too small; the obstacles seem insurmountable, what are the odds? I think it’s easy to look at the Biblical stories and see God’s hand—hindsight is 20/20. But I think its beneficial to re-examine those “flannel-graph epics” in light of the humans involved. Not that we forget God’s non-negotiable role—rather to remember we are just as human, He is just as sovereign and good. Take Abraham—you think he had a sense of adventure—wanted to know what was outside of Er? Maybe that nudge to go and trust God to lead him was there for years, decades. And David, what little boy doesn’t dream of killing a lion or bear, or slaying a huge foe?

            Personally, I all too easily give up on my seemingly impossible dreams, forgetting that God “knows the plans he has for me, to give me a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11) and then (verses 12-14) I call upon him and seek Him. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, God planted those nagging dreams in your heart because they are a part of His plan; to bring them about as He “wills and works for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13)?  It takes true faith to trust as we pursue those dreams—Abraham had to take a step, David had to face the lion, grab the stones and sling. Our divinely appointed dreams take preparation—and our Father knows that, prepares us because the plans are His—long before we even have the nudges. Take heart, He wills the plans he has and will bring them about. He directs or steps (Proverbs 16:9). It is often in hindsight we see how He guided and provided—it will be there. Our job is to persevere in prayer, be faithful today; the future and its fruits are in his hands. In a sermon several years ago, Mark Driscoll related that “even if you are praying in God's will, you may need to persevere in prayer for God's timing. You may be praying for things that are fully in God's desire for you and that he would have you pray for. If they're not happening don't get discouraged and throw in the towel, but wait, because in addition to God's will there's the matter of his timing".

            For me, this has been readily apparent in the last few years, I have had the nudge to go to Kenya since I was 13, maybe even younger. There have been failed trips, timing issues, and of course financial obstacles. But the dream has never gone away; every few years or months it comes roaring back—not in condemnation that I haven’t gone, but a stronger conviction to go. Since graduating from college—I haven’t been able to shake it and more things have providentially fallen together to show me that this desire has divine inspiration—now, that doesn’t mean I WILL go, but that regardless of the outcome/fulfillment of the dream God is using it for my good, growth, and His glory. If the trip doesn’t happen soon, God is still sovereign over it-working in my waiting, sanctifying me. I have been blown away by His direction and guidance—awestruck that a middle school bucket list goal has carried through. Additionally, I’ve been convinced that God does know the plans he has for me—and will bring them about. My job is to obey in what I see and can do today. David had practiced for hours with that sling, probably never imagining that it was preparation to slay an actual giant—displaying God’s equipping of His chosen for His glory.

            I don’t want to give up on dreams.  I’m certain that the plans, dreams, and goals given by God will be carried out—by His hand as I obey daily; remembering that its not about me making them happen so I get a “Godly pat on the back, a gold star” but because He knows the plans He has for me and wills and works to bring them about. Whatever persistent, providential dreams are in your heart, don’t give up on them—persevere in prayer and trust in His timing, they’re in His hands.

I Can’t Live Like I’m Waiting September 2, 2011

            I was struck today that I can’t live life like I’m waiting; waiting for a husband, a career, and financial security. Sure, I want those things but approaching each day as if they are “missing” robs me of living fully, appreciating the present. The only thing I am “missing out” on is contentment when I live like my life hasn’t started because those things are not a part of it. Living like I’m waiting is a horrible testimony—it also is debilitating, causes me to have weak knees, drooped hands, and a wilting spirit. IT is the open wound in which bitterness, discontentment, envy, and anger fester. That’s why I must change my perspective, I need to be joyful in hope (Romans 12:12) not wounded and waiting.

            Sure, I still desire each of those things in life, but my confidence and contentment, more importantly, my value and purpose, aren’t defined by obtaining them. I can’t hold back because I want to “give God an opportunity” and “well, if I do ___ then how could ___ ever happen?” Forgetting God knows my desires, and will faithfully cultivate the ones He wants to bring about and use in my life.

            Today has so much purpose; I don’t want to miss it because I am dwelling on future possibilities, not the present gifts.

            This doesn’t mean I don’t live in light of the future, that would be irresponsible, but I just can’t find my contentment and security in the imagined realities for it—let’s be honest, those rarely happen according to our plans.  The Bible tells us to live in light of the future, (Hebrews 12) not the fulfillment of earthly desires, but of heavenly promises, when the full weight of glory is present.

            This view; future, heavenly, hope is enabling and encouraging. When I remember the hope of heaven, I can hope for the things I desire on earth without being dismayed in my perceived delay of them. I can trust that as His daughter I “lack no good thing”(Psalm 34:10). The only thing I need to be content is to choose it. So today I want to choose to be content, to stop living like I’m waiting and living in gratitude, in light of grace, in the hope of heaven.

Temptation and Traffic August 18, 2011

            We all have ruts, thought patterns, habits, attitudes, even expectations that we can’t seem to shake. Often it is “ex post facto”, after the fact, that we see how those have tied us down, “easily entangled”. It’s easy to drift through our days without discerning our direction, true motives, and expectations for those around us and the myriad of circumstances we encounter each day.

            I was convicted of this, yet again, today as I sat in a horrible traffic jam. Isn't it amazing how our true fuses are shown when getting form A to B is hindered by an unforeseen obstacle? Irritation escalates in irrational proportions and astonishing intervals when we’re at the wheel. As I sat there, I was convicted that it was probably caused by an accident, and I should be thankful that I only have to deal with the traffic, not the tragedy an accident that blocked 3 lanes of I-5 was in someone’s life. Even now, I’m thankful for the reminder of how blessed I am, how fragile life is.

            In the same way, Hebrews 4 touched on the subject of temptation and conviction. You see, we have another option than anger and stewing—submission. Realizing we don’t even make our own hearts beat.  Christ is our perfect high priest—who also identifies with my temptations that so tantalize and distract my flesh. He’s not aloof; He’s understanding. He lived the way I want to live—and doesn’t condemn, but cleanses, calls me up through conviction and encouragement, not debilitating disappointment.

            Back to the driving analogy, what a wonderful metaphor for our spiritual walk. When we try to take control over things we can’t, like traffic, or temptation being around us (in some instances), we quickly get fed up, play the victim, rationalize our rage by the comparison “anyone would be mad”. The issue isn’t temptation, its our response—our hearts. You see, it’s not about avoiding every possible temptation, that would be impossible, nor can we claim to be helpless, rather, we must accept conviction, act in faith, work out what Christ has claimed for us. He wants us to use our weaknesses as opportunities to teach us, cleanse us, cultivate His character in us. I think its an odd balance of accepting you’ll fail daily, hourly, while not letting that keep you from fighting the flesh, getting out of the rut. I am thankful for temptation and traffic because they are necessary tethers to relying on Christ.