Hope, preparation, how the light gets in.

“How the light gets in.

As I mentioned at the start of this journey it’s a Leonard Cohen lyric. The truth being we’re all broken, we’re all cracked and what so many people see as a fault or a malfunction really is something to be considered useful. I’m not sure how much longer I have left but it appears that the physical and medical signs are all pointing to my end.” –Kristian Anderson

This quote was written right before Kristian died of cancer. I didn’t know this man or his family, but I stumbled upon his blog right after his death last december. His wife recently updated the blog, How the light gets in, about how she and her two boys are doing. Also check out this video he left for his wife…beautiful.

What struck me today was the truth of his words, especially the part that “…we’re all cracked and what so many people see as a fault or malfunction really is something to be considered useful…” Through two sermons yesterday, this truth about my hearing loss was reinstated in my heart. My loss is not an accident, a hindrance to what God’s called me to. It is just as important and BENEFICIAL to what he has for me. I so easily forget this, and slip into the routine of trying to mask it, live over it, of feeling like I’m less or that I have to prove that I can deal with and overcome the loss. Get over it. I forget that nothing is an accident, that this loss wasn’t a divine mistake that I have to suffer through, rather it was divinely appointed. It entered into my life and affects those around me, purposefully. My loss will make things different and interesting in Kenya, especially when it comes to the language, but it’s not an insurmountable obstacle, it’s going to be an asset. It is already forcing me to rely on Jesus as my strength, my confidence; my ears. He promises that his power is made PERFECT IN my weakness, not in spite of it. I was reminded of Paul’s thorn, and struck by the truth that it too was essential to his ministry, it’s still ministering now, two thousand years later, to a 24 year old in the United states. What a profound purpose that thorn had, it was the avenue by which Paul’s contentment and perseverance were displayed. As I head into the final weeks and days of preparation, I want to throw off what hinders; lack of trust, dwelling on the unknowns I can’t control, and the lies that tell me I can’t. The truth is, we’re all cracked, broken in our own ways, and there’s so much beauty in that. There’s beauty in perseverance, in facing the giant with a sling shot and a prayer of faith, in battling thousands with 300 men, in flying across the world to follow a lifelong dream. The light gets in when we persevere in faith, in hope, in the darkness that “is as light” to the One who calls, equips, and sends.