Maybe it’s because we’re on the brink of the holiday season…maybe my doubt of God’s daily blessing and revealing was brought on by the sadness of poverty, spouses and daddies lost way too soon clouded my vision. Maybe my tears turned truths into mere traces of seemingly broken promises. But when I think about it, really think through the situations around me, I know in actuality the truth of God’s goodness doesn’t falter in light of human depravity and our finite nature—rather it is the one constant. It doesn’t offer hollow platitudes like “they’re in a better place” or “well at least it’s the only life they’ve ever known…they’re used to it”…as if commonality makes it “right” somehow. No, Christ admits the pain, wept when his friend Lazarus died, and calls us to use our wealth to help the orphaned, poor, marginalized. Christ addresses the true pain then offers promises of hope—telling the dying thief that he will experience life in paradise because ofhis belief; tells us that the meek will inherit the earth. He offers the gift of hope in poverty and life in the face of death. He gifts in light of sadness.
Somewhere along the line I stopped really trusting his provision in pain. I became jaded as the sadness piled up around me and fell into moralistic patterns of “coping” while the practical trust gave way to a theoretical thought pattern that claimed trust but lived out fear and pessimism.
It’s akin to a child losing their belief in Santa. Up until a certain point, many children never think to doubt the myth of Santa. They don’t reason away the ways their faith doesn’t seem to measure up wit hthe world around them by scrutinizing practicalities of the width of their chimney, the heat of the coals, the number of children he theoretically visits. They have faith and trust that he brings good gifts. I know this analogy is fallible and a stretch. But, there is a reason so many parents play along. Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like an inkling of Eden; a finite way of attempting to reclaim trust in a father who gives good gifts and receives our meager offerings, like milk and cookies, with joy. Santa doesn’t need the snack; God doesn’t “need” our obedience. Yet, He delights in it and we find our true and lasting joy in offerings of love and trust to the one who freely gives. Additionally, Santa has justice—a naughty and nice list—and this echoes Jesus’ sovereignty and omniscience, his right to look at a man’s heart and to bless those he calls according to his purpose.
But, at some point we stop believing, stop accepting the gift and reason away evidences of grace, stop trusting the perfect and true “Father of Christmas”. Above the roaring plane engine my soul is quieted by his love. In this moment I am grateful for the grace to be convicted, to have child-like faith rooted in reason and true hope. I can’t wait to see His truths and gifts revealed today.
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