Cancer. Tornados. Shootings. War. Disability. Abuse. Depression. Divorce.
We’re all broken. Not a person alive is untouched by tragedy, by pain, by loss. Faces try to mask their internal strife, while our hearts wear their hurts on their sleeves, their scars unable to hide behind emotional detachment. Every soul is broken. But no one breaks the same. While we may try to put our pain into categories the truth is that no one breaks from the same tragedy in exactly the same way. There are a million pieces that make up each story, each life, each hurt. Things like cancer, natural disasters, poverty, and war shatter lives like snowflakes—each life marred a little differently by the ominous pains of life. Sure, the categories tell of patterns of loss—but it is always personal. It’s no wonder we feel isolated, alone, stuck in a dark and silent room that no one else can quite relate to.
Ironically, the uniqueness of our brokenness is what unites and binds us. It is when we acknowledge that we don’t “exactly know what you’re going through” that we are invited to enter into the struggle to cope, to heal; to find a new normal. The naivety of platitudes such as “I understand completely” reveals our innate desire to be known, to be understood, but in reality they are just sentimental. The hearer nods in agreement or defiantly thinks “yeah, right…but you don’t have this too” but yet in a different circumstance, when confronted with another’s pain—is compelled to utter a similar hollow line to fill the silence that follows a revealing of suffering.
Our understanding and connection is found when we
are free to admit the unique nature of suffering. When we concede that we don’t
“know exactly how you feel” we open the door for an honest discussion of
pain—one that acknowledges the labels are the same but the stories are diverse.
Souls can share when the false pretense of sameness is shed and the reality of
difference is stated. Each life is
shaped by a thousand hurts, victories, loves, and losses. Accepting our shared
experience of unshared suffering is essential to healing, to helping. We’re all
broken, but nobody breaks the same.
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