Not set up to fail

                To begin, please forgive my absence in writing—it has been a BUSY month of full time work and beginning full time graduate school—five, 12 hour days make for a sleepy, full, and prioritizing mind. I am in graduate school. I AM IN GRADUATE SCHOOL. Really?! It hasn’t really sunk in—even as I walk to class, pay a painful tuition bill, crack open my books—part of me still thinks school is a future, not current thing.

                My first week was actually pretty uneventful and *much* less stressful than I anticipated—partly due to the reverse psychology of one of our supervisors who tried to scare us by promising we would have 40 hours of reading and homework.  In hindsight, I’m grateful he did so because it’s definitely helped me to have a “glass half full” mentality as the homework load I feared has fleshed out to be pretty doable for my “I can’t stand having things undone on my to-do-list” self. I am grateful for the mind I’ve been given, the fact that I can pleasantly live at home for this year and that I have been able to safe financially for this season. There have been so many open doors for this program to happen now that even in my whiny moments of “I don’t want to have every week so scheduled and full” I remind myself that it is only ten months, I can do anything for 10 months.

                Additionally, this week brought home to me that God is not setting me up to fail—even if I did fail it would be purposeful, but the point is that I’m not called to things I hate. I am called to reach this world in ways that I gravitate towards, (mostly) enjoy, and am gifted to do—and so are you. I was reminded of a post by Jon Acuff where he articulates that “why do we assume that the moment we surrender to God that we’re going to be asked to do something we don’t want to…“. Exactly. Where do I come off assuming that I’m going to hate what God is calling me to do? What in the Bible and in my own experience has shown me that? Like God can’t wait for me to surrender so I’ll have to suffer to prove that I *really* love Him and want to serve Him? Let’s be honest, in the span of writing this post I’ve bought into that snake-whispered lie—that God is holding out on me and that waiting and stepping out in faith will only hurt. I gripe about stubbing my toe forgetting that I can walk and run. God never equips us with things—dreams, gifts, skills—that he doesn’t want us to use. 

                Admittedly I kicked and screamed my way into this season of school. I liked the self-appointed structure of my days, the flexibility of home therapy, the unplanned and open calendar days. But as I’ve entered the nerd in me has been re-awakened---yes, I am one of *those* people who actually enjoys reading and taking notes. I am grateful that this year is here. I am being called to something that I have been (and am currently in the process) of being equipped for. My prayer for you is that you would remember that the same is true of you—God doesn’t call us to things we hate—he calls us to Himself. He uses our gifts and dreams and opportunities to do so. While this road won’t be easy, and I will struggle and want to give up—I have to remember that I’m not being thrown in the water without floaties—I’ve been called and equipped by the one who walked on water.