Marriage, among other things, is not the answer

                In a break from making a dent in my “to do before the quarter is over” to-do-list, and as I make a mental note of the dates of upcoming weddings—two in one week the last week in December, I was struck by the thought that “marriage is not the answer”. For every engagement announcement I see on facebook, there is a subtle name change, a deletion of pictures, a quiet absence of something that once was a beautiful and shared celebration turned to a lone unannounced mourning. Marriage is not the answer.

                Maybe because I’m in the stereotypical “mid-twenties-crisis” where 20-somethings lose the “I’m invincible, the world is my oyster” mindset as the reality of school loans, lost love, and aging family members begin to shape our lives. Maybe it’s because this time of year reminds me of people “gone too soon”—empty chairs around holiday tables and missing faces in family photos scream that this life ends. What is right now is not forever. The quarter will end, the grades will be posted, the heart will stop beating.

                I cannot count on others, on school achievements, on what I have to define me. People will fail me—I hourly fail others. I will procrastinate on some things while clinging to my crossed off lists. As black Friday approaches, it is easy to get sucked into the “you gotta have_____ to be accepted, loved, applauded”. I can’t help but reflect on Kenya—where I saw physical poverty. The material disparity doesn’t change the fact that our hearts are the same. We are all desperate for recognition, applause, approval, status, love—and cling to any semblance of it.

                As I plow through the end of the semester, as I head to two more weddings without a “plus one”—I am comforted by the fact that I don’t lack what I need. Marriage is not the answer. Yes I am busy, yes I am “single”—but my life is full and beautiful not because of where I am, who I am attached to, what I’m studying, or what I have—or lack. My life is beautiful because of WHOSE, I am.

                You see, I could get the degree, get the job, get the guy—and yet it could all be taken away in a moment—in a typhoon, a tornado, a diagnosis. I lack when I lose sight of the truth of my acceptance—I am single but not alone, I am still at home but not homeless, I am sinful yet saved. We all have our own fill in the blank if-only qualifications for “finally” having what we need. But any spouse, professor, ceo, and parent can tell you that those things lose their luster as life happens. Those treasures are tarnished by unfulfilled expectations, by broken promises, by quieting applause.

                So tonight, I am grateful for where I am, what I have, and most importantly—whose I am. He alone is constant, is sufficient, is the answer.