Tonight as I baked and cleaned, checked off my to-do list, I began to reflect on my 29th trip around the sun. Each birthday year, August to August I take time to pray and think of a theme phrase or words for the next year. Last years’ were “trust boldly”, which, to be honest, were the last two things I wanted to do. I had just lived through the hell of spiritual abuse, skeptical and timid were more like it.
But today, almost 365 days later, I can’t help but sigh with a
sheepish smirk that those two words were exactly what this year of life was
about. On my birthday last year I started my job at a new company which has
been one of the greatest joys of this year. I didn’t even know how much the
stress of barely having enough clients and hours as well as driving all over
the city was affecting my quality of life until they were no longer a part of
it. My current company has been a prime example of one that is proactive about
taking care of employees and seeking to deal with problems instead of hiding
them. I have grown much in my practice as I have learned from others around me,
and I’m so grateful.
Another way I learned to trust boldly was by beginning to attend
a new church. Every brunch and bible study I either sulked in like an emo
teenager, or tried to quiet my racing heart. Everything in me told me to run,
to shut them out before I could get hurt. But one genuine conversation at a
time my heart began to hope, then trust that this place could be different. I’ve
made new friends that embody weeping with those who weep and rejoicing with
those who rejoice. I’m allowed to be where I am, because everyone else is
responsible for themselves—we are alone together—responsible for our choices
yet sharing our troubles. These new friends have enabled me to trust boldly.
Today, I trust boldly that I am where I’m supposed to be—my life
is not in limbo because I’m single, it’s not less or “cute”—it is purposed and
full. I can’t believe I ever felt that way. In both my work and church I am equipped and
trusted to use my knowledge and gifts for others. My career isn’t seen as a
hindrance but a gift. I can trust BOLDLY that I have been called to this
vocation and it is my joy.
Lastly, around mid-february, with 6 months left in my 20’s, I
started a crazy list of 30 goals by 30—they were divided into categories-head &
heart, hope, and health. Some were one time things like funding an adoption,
buying a stranger’s meal at a restaurant; others took more planning and
time-hiking, reading 10 new books, completing the whole 30. (check the facebook
page 30by30 for more details). With days left, I’ve completed around 25 of the
30 but I’m content with my progress. I’ve been humbled by others who have
helped me in the process—going on the underground tour, cousins spending the
day with me in NYC, and so many others have encouraged me along the way. 30 by
30 has taught me to pace myself and enjoy the process. Because the goals weren’t
about completing—they were about becoming. Becoming the woman that is
intentional with eating and exercising, taking time to be with others and using
my resources for them. It was about becoming who I want to BE in my
30s-mindful, balanced, and intentional with my time, talents, and present in
the lives and community around me.
So, as I look ahead to the next decade, I want to have peace in
the process. I am not responsible for the choices leaders and others make. I
want to have peace in the in-between—tangible grace to be imperfect and humble,
working to improve where I can and accepting my limitations. I want to have
peace in the process of dating, working with my clients, equipping teachers to
educate children with disabilities. I CAN have peace in the process as I trust
God boldly-one thing at a time. Thirty and Thriving, indeed.
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