On Purpose In Peace--1/3 of the way through

I can't believe April is almost over,  we're a third of the way through 2018. My words for this year were "on purpose, in peace" and instead of just doing an annual recap, I'm compelled to reflect more often on how these words are shaping this year. So far, there have been several themes.

On purpose with my time-- One thing i've become more intentional about is a regular rhythm of rest in my days- from sitting down and praying before I leave the house each day (some times for 5 minutes, but most of the time for 30 seconds) has been so grounding no matter what I face each day.  Scheduling out regular exercise and time with friends has also been an important part of my weeks.

On purpose with my habits--from what I eat and drink, to how I exercise -- especially taking time to be outdoors. Regular rhythms of writing and reading also help clear my mind and appreciate what's around me.

On purpose with my thoughts--this has been such a growth for me this year--taking time to reflect on how my past decisions or past experiences have shaped how I look at the world today has been tremendously healing... some books that have helped
"Unglued" and "Univited- lysa Terkeurst
Half the Church- by Carolyn Curtis James
"The Body Keeps the Score"- by Bessel Van der Kolk

On purpose with my friendships-- This year so far has been one of loss and gain. I have been intentional with my boundaries, able to be more honest, and have grown in my acceptance of having alone time--seeing it as a gift instead of a curse. IT has been so freeing to accept where relationships are at--and to appreciate each stage, instead of banking on unrealistic expectations.

Each of these have already facilitated approaching this year "In peace". I can walk in peace when there is balance and perspective and rhythms of my week
I can have peace when people walk away, and I can have peace in my own decisions to move on.
I can have peace to let someone new in--appreciating the relationship for what it is, instead of wishing it was something its not.
I can have peace to approach diet and exercise as a journey--really examining what and why (oh goodness that why is so important) I'm eating what I am or moving or resting.

I can have peace as I walk on purpose.

Glimpses of Providence

It’s the last few hours of my long weekend, and I can’t help but look back in gratitude and joy. This weekend was one of renewal- in so many ways. For me, travel is such a reset- there’s something about getting away that gets me back to myself. It recharges me to change my surroundings. We all have our “thing” that reminds us of what is important and helps us refocus or think about problems in a new way.

As I reflect, thinking about the conversations I had this weekend—I can’t help but be reminded of C.S. Lewis’ remarks in “the Four Loves”:

“In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”

Over the last few days I was able to spend time with several people that embody this quote—friends from University, my time in Kenya, past churches—and I was overcome with the attention to detail.  If any one decision had been different, we may not have met. There’s no way to know just how many things in each of our lives had to come together for the relationships to happen—choices our parents made, arriving to our dorms at the same time and meeting in the elevator, being placed in the same dorm, conversations over studying, living close enough to be in the same church small group, been in Kenya at a different time—significance from daily decisions. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and encouraged to hope for the future—for these past few days were decades in the making. There’s no way I could have known how those first meetings would play out—how those people would be so encouraging years later after a rough week. That I would be inspired to write again, spurned on by encouraging words, and equipped with confidence from community that has been timid at best the last couple of years.

Sure, some people call all this coincidence, would rather overlook meaning and intentionality—but I cannot help but see the hand prints of God on this weekend. Yes, I would probably be saying this if I HAD gone to a different university, church, or traveled to a different country in Africa—those hypothetical people would have been just as important, sure. But those theoretical people are not the ones that impacted my life this weekend, and I don’t want to miss out on gratitude for what is in front of me because “another would have been just as (whatever adjective)”. I’d rather see meaning and intentionality in my life than brush the circumstances of my days off as coincidence. We all want to have companionship and meaning—and if anything this weekend reminded me that no one person can “be everything” to you—we all need our tribe—the people around us that draw out and help refine different parts of our lives. Tonight, I am thankful for the glimpses of providence this weekend—may they equip me to walk forward in courage and confidence.