Remember how bad growing pains used to hurt as a kid? The ache, feeling like you were being tortured, stretched like Laffy Taffy? It seemed so pointless, why couldn’t you wake up grown up? Like Tom Hanks in Big or Jennifer Garner in 13 Going on 30? You know, skip the awkward, angsty part and just wake up an adult with a family, career, “everything” planned out?
Well, in the last year, since graduating college, I’ve found myself in the same place—growing pains. It seems like every stage of life since birth has had a logical and inevitable following stage: diapers, preschool, elementary school, high school, college…and now? What? It’s an odd and painful place to be when there’s no “set stage” in front of you. Personally, I find myself in a season of unknown—thankful for options I have but not a set way to go. Sure, I could jump into a career, but I also kinda want to “just be a mom”. Since graduating, I’ve been in a “driven women” environment—education. I love my job, working with kids, but find it hard to shrug the “career cattle” mentality of “moove (sorry…couldn’t resist the pun) on up, keep going. SUCCEED!” when deep down, I don’t know if that’s where I want to be pulled into right now-I need time. Similarly, the other big push, culturally, at least, is to “settle down”, or at least “hook up, date”. While I definitely want to be married, the reality is, today that is not right in front of me, and I tend to be traditional and want to be pursued. (I could go on an anthropological tangent about how its only been in the last 50 years or so (thanks, Woodstock, Betty Friedan, etc.) that marriage hasn’t been the expected “next step” and how this “extended adolescence” of Western Culture provides the framework for many “20-somethings” like myself to experience this second “awkward stage”…but I’ll refrain, for that’s another essay entirely.
So where does this leave me? Sadly, I often am grumbling in these growing pains, doubting, frustrated; impatient to know where the next year(s) are going. It feels as though I’m with Israel, wandering in the desert, wondering where exactly I’m headed, and how I’ll even know when I get there—obviously forgetting the purpose of the journey. Just like Jennifer and Tom had to learn in their movies—getting to the destination “adulthood” without the journey, the struggle, isn’t what you bargain for—you miss so many lessons, opportunities to trust and grow. Can you imagine waking up two feet taller-its as awkward as a new born calf—even a few inches leaves you gawky and stumbling—remember middle school? All that to say; there IS great purpose in the fact that growing is a process. Someday these “in between” years will be hindsight (something you can’t gain without experience).
Each day has purpose. I have a chance to grow, to start to become the wife and mom I want to be someday—to mirror my Savior as He refines me. On top of all of this, I’ve been convicted that I’m not content---so easily forgetting that if I’m not content with what I have today—I wont be when the things I dream about play out. Contentment is a choice—and it has to be rooted in the One who doesn’t change. I have to remember that while these growing pains ache and are awkward, ultimately they lead to joy and maturity. This life is so short. I don’t want to waste it waiting for the future. I want to live it daily-trusting, delighting in the direction I CAN see, giving thanks that I’m growing, not grumbling that I’m not “grown”.
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