As a 24 year old single in the church, one of the things
that has struck me is the tendency for people I meet, usually married, to
assume or flippantly articulate that “maybe having a relationship is an idol
for you…” when I express my desire to get married, have a family. To be honest,
that is very possible, and something I freely admit I need to guard against and
frequently ask the Holy Spirit to search my heart about. I know it is not
ultimate, will never satisfy/complete me, etc. What bothers me is when already
married or “married at a young age”, often well-meaning people throw the “idol”
line out as a means of ending an awkward conversation where they don’t want to
give “false hopes” destined to hang in the air. For the longest time I was
fearful to, and felt shame in, admitting that I desire those things. Maybe I was
afraid of the “idol card” and didn’t want to face an awkward conversation where
I was apt to respond emotionally in a way I didn’t mean to but saying things I
meant. It’s taken awhile, but I now can admit that I do desire marriage, and I
know that the desire isn’t wrong. I wish
I could have a conversation about desiring it without the “idol card” being one
of the first things mentioned. The pain of not being pursued is real, at times
it is agonizing to have “guy friends” but nothing more (something my last post
touched on, and the views there are ones I am committed to implementing with
discernment). It is often embarrassing to have people assume I don’t have a
date for weddings or other events. Regardless, I am thankful.
I’m
thankful that this points me to Jesus. It reminds me that my ultimate joy must
be from my relationship with Him. The marriage I desire is an echo of Eden—the true oneness
with my Creator that I was made for. The Holy Spirit knows my hurt, my desires,
and where my heart truly lies. HE will test, He will provide all I need. He is
my Hope. There is no formula but there is a form “Trust in the LORD with all
your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways
acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
There will
definitely be times when, in the context of accountable relationships and
community, I need the “idol card” played; my sinful nature gravitates towards
settling for things, rather than savoring Christ. There will also be times of
hurting in the waiting,when I'll need people willing to grieve, not wallow, with me in the real pain that being alone can bring. The fact is that this may not be just a season;
this unmet desire may persist to point me to Christ in ways that I wouldn’t
happen if I had a relationship. I am thankful my singleness is in the hands of
an infinitely loving Savior.
Psalm 37:4 my friend. It is a comfort to me when being single starts to bog me down. We both desire marriage, and our Father has given us that desire. He will fulfill it in His timing.
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