Turning “Oh NO!” to “Oh…no.” June 25, 2013

Last night I stayed up way too late. I was refreshed and on the “high” that only a good walk near a beautiful sunset with one of my dearest friends can bring. I was also still quite nostalgic—thankful for a skype chat with the one person who understands both places I served in Kenya. Well after 1 am I was attempting to quiet my mind—which, truthfully, was racing partly due to an extra dose of caffeine that afternoon as I drank in the smell and appreciated the sound of a “Kenyan downpour” that hit Seattle.

In the midst of futilely trying to process and still my mind—my ear made a slight, suctiony, pop! (This may be TMI, but for those of us who wear hearing aids, our ears can tend to produce excess wax that gets and remains somewhat liquidy while having them in and for a little while afterwards…gross but true. Tell your friends, knowledge is (gross) power.) My first sleepy thought was “OH NO! My nerve cells just died, I’m going to be deaf in the morning and won’t be able to get/afford cochlear implants”. Yeah, my mind went to the “worst case” scenario at 1am. No bueno.

Thankfully, my next epiphany was much less dramatic and actually grounded— “Oh. no.” The ‘Oh’ was brought on by the realization of the liquidy wax making the same sound as I cleaned out my ear—and, much more importantly, was the result of the rational thought that it’s 1 am, I “cant party like I used to”, and my mind is going down roads its shouldn’t because its exhausted, not because those thoughts are rooted in truth. Then, there was the resolved, “No.” No ,it’s 1am. I am not going to freak out, get discouraged, feel worthless, focus on my DISability because I am tired. NO. I am going to relax, choose to have hope, rest, and to be grateful for the hearing I do have. Glass half full, if you wish.

After waking up this morning I was humbled and relieved by how the” Oh NO!” turned into the “oh, no.”  This morning I am grateful for perspective, for the ability to “gird up my mind” and “not go there”. I am thankful for a God-given grace of a sound mind and a quiet heart.