Forward in ‘14

Forward: adverb- onward so as to make progress. Synonyms-onward, moving ahead

Adjective-relating to or concerned with the future.

                Periodically, since 2005, I’ve attempted to begin each year with a theme, a word, rather than an “I will do it!” resolution, it’s more of a mindset, an aim, a direction. The last week, as I’ve relished in the break from work and school, I’ve begrudgingly looked ahead to the next quarter—I can be a perfectionist with school and the fact that last quarter’s busy schedule put me through the wringer as far as focus and diligence goes with really studying, not just finishing things—I was discouraged.

Sometimes, looking back is a lesson, sometimes it turns you into a pillar of salt.

In the midst of wallowing in “I wish I had…” I realized I had a choice—I needed to look forward. I made a study plan, and devoted the rest of the week to relaxing—reading books I wanted to, for FUN! There are seasons in life for a reason—we need the trees without leaves to make room for new growth, the time of growth leads to the harvest. As I look head to 2014—I want to move forward. Yes, there are the concrete things in front of me—graduate school, the board exam, looking for a job to start the BCBA career. But I also want to live in light of this last year—the growth, the regrets, the good memories—but in a way that is onward, progressing, moving ahead—forward. I can’t change where I’ve been, the hours I didn’t study, the words I wish I didn’t say—but I can allow those things to propel me to a healthy concern for the future.

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Strive for progress, not perfection. In education, exercise, relationships. As life as slowed down the last couple of weeks, I’ve realized there are things that I would like to change—go to bed and get up earlier, listen more to others, ask questions, take constructive criticism with more humility, pretend to like black coffee, to name a few. Each of those are progressive—not destinations—well, the coffee one is debatable. But anyway, I want to remember the last year—the blessing of jobs I loved with kids and staff I will never forget, road trips with windstorms, moving on from just missing Kenya like a “has been” to letting that drive me in my decisions today and to make future plans, was financially able to buy my own hearing aids (since no insurance company covers the cost—but that’s for another post…), spontaneous trips to Portland, and likewise—the ways I was shown that the world is such a small place. I can see how I’ve moved forward—starting grad school, exercising regularly again, admitting what I would like to change, and putting that blasted cellphone/ipad down to actually engage in life.

Most recently, the idea of moving forward was shown by the fact that the 6 year anniversary of finding out about my hearing loss came and went—it wasn’t until half way through the day that I remembered—and I’m so grateful. Last year, I rightfully celebrated—that while this has shaped my life it in no way ended it. This December 27^th demonstrated that I have moved forward—hearing loss is a part of my life—it has changed my routines and my outlook, and rightly so; but over the last 6 years I’ve moved forward from the everyday fear.

As I “move forward in ‘14” I pray that I continue to look ahead, to strive for progress and not perfection, and to take each day one step at a time.