What do You want to do with These Dull Ears? August 30, 2011

            Jesus, what do you want to do with my dull ears? How are you using this hard thing for good, right now? I know it will have a ‘future weight of glory’, but it really doesn’t feel ‘light or momentary’, it seems downright mammoth and millennial. What can I grasp tonight as the fears taunt, overwhelm, and I futilely try to prepare for a “what-if” future of fulfilled fears. In my feeble flesh, help me to see your promises now, in the land of the living. Help me to hope—I cannot without You. The darkness of doubt, not of You, necessarily, is more disabling than the deafness.

            Now, its more, how do You, how can You, use me? Your word tells me my weaknesses make me strong—yet I feel spiritual atrophy and apathy. Help me to choose to trust, choose to hope, choose to worship in my weakness.

            You use these dull ears to draw me to You, to expose my flesh, my selfishness, pride, and self-reliance. The way you use me and my dull ears isn’t defined by what I can see. I may never know the extent of the ‘eternal weight of glory’ this suffering, and others will bring. I can choose joy, you command us to be ‘joyful in hope’. Dash my western framework that joy is an emotion; no, it’s a choice. Joy is a work of You as you change me to will to worship in weeping. May I remember the ways I’m blessed. Thank you for perspective.

            So, Jesus, thank you for turning a self-pitying and short-sighted plea into a fruitful prayer. You use my loss to teach me, to draw me to you in weakness. How you use it to impact my life and others, is up to you.

                        Amen