Not only have I been sick these past few days, and dealt
with all the exhaustion that comes from a head cold, I’ve also been a blender
of emotions due to situations around me. I couldn’t help but think of “my kids”
in kibera…how my being sick and resting is so different from the struggles they
daily face. Then, taking me to a
completely different place…one of awe and joy…my church generously donated the
money I needed to stay another
month…talk about confirmation! I am still amazed by the clarity of support and
direction for this longer time here. I’m excited to see how September unfolds
at the school and in life on the compound here.
On a different note…I’ve also been dealing with the reality
of sacrifice this trip is. I’ve not been homesick in the “buy me a plane
ticket” way…just in the “I want to be in two places at once” way. Keeping up
with the news on social media sites is not quite the same. The last two days
have been ones of reflecting on what I’ve given up to be here…comfort, a job I
love, the Seattle “summer” and all that entails… and also, missing life events
at home: babies being born, engagements, and a dear friend fighting for his
life.
In a divine appointment I started reading “Radical” by David Platt today.
He talks about how on the whole the North American church has made the call of
the Gospel comfortable to fit into our lives, to make Jesus like ourselves by
having the audacity to assume that “He didn’t REALLY mean for us to give up our
families and lives to follow him”. In light of the things I wish I was home
for, I had to look hard at this and realize my heart was torn…I still wanted
this trip to be comfortable…something I felt like *I* could do and handle. Its
humbling to realize how weak I am…how quickly a cold and allergies sideline me,
how my emotions can easily take over…how much this trip isn’t possible on my
own…the financial provision alone exemplifies this. I was also amazed to see
how in His faithfulness, God has enabled me to live some of that call I fleshly
shirk away from…He has brought me here, over years strengthened the desire to
come to a place I don’t know, to give to people I’ve never met, and to “forsake” my home and family for this season.
It was another humbling reminder that HE wills and works. I was able to thank
him for my sore throat and swollen gland because it provided the opportunity
for me to rest, see His direction in the longer term here, and to “grieve” for
the things I’m missing back home. As I
grabbed my 5th cup of tea and continued reading…Platt further
convicted and encouraged that the sacrifices we make are in the end
gain—carrying eternal weight. He also painted the bigger
picture—“non-discipleship”, as he calls it, “is weighty for everyone” (p.16).
Thankfully this brought my thoughts back to the task at hand here, rather than
following the slippery slope into self-pity or self-righteousness. I was
reminded that my time here is so much bigger than me. It affects those on the
compound, the precious students at the school, and all the people back home.
The faithful service Christ calls me to is essential in the lives of many and
for eternity. It’s the same for you. Jim Elliot had the right perspective that
“wherever you are, be all there…live to the hilt every situation you believe to
be the will of God”.
In closing, I’m thankful for my sore throat…it exposed sore
areas of my soul and provided the time to rest and reflect. Am I still sad
about missing things at home; not being there for friends, being a couple
continents and an ocean away—yes. But I know that just as much as I am called
to be here, all here, now—the people and situations back home are just where
they are supposed to be—in His hands.
No comments:
Post a Comment