Routine, Unrest, and a Milestone Birthday

Life here in Nairobi has settled into a pretty comfortably full routine. Wake up around 7, walk 4 km to the school, teach those precious kiddos about Jesus, smile proudly when my reading buddies pronounce words they couldn’t yesterday and with increasing fluency and confidence, play with the babies, walk 4km back, crash and shower, walk to the closest stores, evenings of Bible study, volleyball, rest, repeat.  I have thoroughly enjoyed my time here so far and it’s CRAZY to think that if this trip had gone according to MY plan I would be flying home in 5 hours!!!  I am so thankful for the providential way another month came together. It is one of those things that I will forever have as a clear reminder of God’s providence and guidance. I can already see how it was so pivotal not only, obviously, for my time in Kenya, but also because of other ways my heart is changing.

Even though I have exactly one month left here, the planner in me can’t help but look ahead. I sit here futilely attempting to map out the rest of 2012—what will life be like back in Seattle? Thankfully, I work for an AMAZING family that I will continue to work with part time, but I know there will be more than that I need to think about—getting insurance, moving out on my own, the possibility of graduate school, and more.

 Maybe it’s because I was supposed to leave today, or maybe it’s because I turn 25 Sunday that these thoughts are pummeling my mind this week.  They are real questions to real expectations that I don’t seem to be living up to. But then I have to take a step back. I have to remind myself that yes I am going to be "a quarter of a century/halfway to fifty, etc.", but that doesn't mean I have to be a certain place. More important than the questions, is the reason I’m asking them and who I’m trying to impress or live up to. You see, by American standards it would be easy to see areas I’m not living up to—but is that who I really want to impress, who I need to prove myself too? When I take a breath, and remember, like my dear friend encouraged me “You are where God has you, you are gifted, you are loved, you are summoned”. Then the “adulthood success check list” fades and I remember that I am on HIS timeline, not the ones of the culture and people around me. My life is purposed and in His hands. Each day matters. He knows what my life back in Seattle is going to look like—how long I stay there, what ways my work with Autism will change, where my writing will go, and when I’ll start a family. Just as much as He planted the dream to come to Kenya and directed my steps here, he’ll continue to work out the next things in my life.  

Ultimately, the unrest comes from a lack of trust. I get caught up in the routine of the days here and forget that each one is purposeful, planned, and pivotal; in my life and in the lives around me.  I forget that His love is strong, that He knows what I need. So as I settle in to my seat by the window, sip my coffee, and sigh, I repent and remember…like Isaiah 30:15 articulates…I find peace. Peace in the promise that the ways Jesus has worked these past 25 years will continue to lead, guide, and sustain me into the next.