I cannot believe it is December 13th—where did this year go? It has been a tumultuous and momentous year of firsts and with its share of pain. I have held newborns and mourned losses many times over. I lived out a lifelong dream—Kenya, and today I am still “experiencing” many things as I process, mourn, and move forward. In hindsight, I was reluctant to return to Seattle—I didn’t want to stop “livin’ the dream” in a very literal sense. Now that I have been back, I know I can’t spend my days in reverie—I need to refocus and cast a vision.
Over
the last few weeks I have had glimpses of being future oriented again—grad school
plans, a second job coming through, and an even clearer picture of what my time
in Kenya means for future plans. This has been difficult—a harvest, yes, but
one that requires intentional effort to glean the good lessons and form new
goals. I don’t have the “now what?!” mentality I did in September, and I am so
grateful for that.
My “now
what?!” is submission today. Just like before Kenya—I have to walk each day in
trust, hope, and faith. The new goals intermingled with old dreams are real and
present—having a family, returning to Kenya—but I do not need to be frantic,
fearful, or so future oriented that I forget about today. Today I have
purpose—a job I love with an amazing family, friends here, and so much more.
Today as I read in Isaiah I was
struck by the 5th verse in chapter 22 which relates:
The Lord of hosts has a
day of tumult and trampling and confusion in the valley of vision, a battering
down of walls and a shouting to the mountains.
This
verse is a beautiful picture of the last two and a half months for me—they have
been confusing, tumultuous with grief and joy; but they have also been the
valley of vision. I am not naïve to think I’m out of the valley, especially as
materialism rears its ugly head around Christmas, as I remember friends and
family lost this year, and as I still wait for the fulfillment of the dreams of
marriage and a family. I know this valley is purposeful—it IS battering down my
walls—cultural frameworks, idols of proving myself and of control. It has caused
me to shout to the mountains. But—it is the valley of vision. The valley is
sanctifying, a sure part of God’s promise to work for my good and His glory,
always.
As I walk through this valley,
as I see paths and begin to cast a vision in faith—I walk in hope. I trust that
the sovereign Savior who has led me to today will faithfully lead me into a
thousand tomorrows.
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