Treasures of Darkness 27 December 2012

                Today is significant. Not simply in light of “every day matters”, but because it is a personal marker. December 27, 2007 was the day my acknowledged journey with hearing loss began. A scared twenty year old feebly attempting to find security and identity while fighting the tail of a tornado that unforeseen disability brings. Thankfully, I didn’t stay a terrified twenty year old—in five years I’ve grown into an acceptance and hope-choosing 25 year old. There are so many treasures in the darkness of disability.

                I have had time for my eyes to adjust to the room I was thrust into—and it’s not as scary as it used to be. The things I used to blindly bump up against, flinch, and scream at—hearing aids, audiology tests, captions, and loud rooms of muddled sounds—well, they’ve stuck around enough to become familiar friends. Just like flaws in furniture or imperfect architecture. I acknowledge them with a stubborn smile and a nod of triumph. Similarly, my eyes can now see that the room filled with dark obstacles and seemingly broken dreams, was actually full of treasure. Oh, its taken time and work; and I know there’s so much more to be uncovered, dusted off, cleansed—but I can now approach those unknowns with confidence. As I began to move in this dark room, I discovered that it was really about growth, not a shattering of dreams but I refining of them.

                Thankfully and blessedly I have the same amount of hearing as I did five years ago—but even more importantly—I’ve grown. I have learned so much as I’ve unpacked the room of disability—that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. I found my voice in this darkness, and it’s enabled me to speak for the voiceless and to share joy and pain. I hope I’ve become more compassionate and accepting—knowing that with our various abilities we all want to be loved, to experience and give joy, to be celebrated.

                To close, these five years in the room of disability have been so full of treasure in the darkness. I give thanks for them today and look forward to the next five years. There is so much more to be found—I don’t want to miss it.

Isaiah 45:3—I will give you treasures of darkness, that you may know it is I who call you by name.