This has been a heavy and full week….I was SO blessed to be entrusted to watch my Pastor’s kids for several days and that experience was so fun—it also taught me a lot about myself and just how precious children are. But, in the midst of playing “soccer mom” I was also burdened by the weight of processing—my hearinglossiversary is the 27th…that will be 5 years since I discovered I have bilateral genetic hearing loss…and the reminder of that, as well as seeing first-hand how it will affect my parenting/sleeping habits…. is always bittersweet. Yes, painful because I am still able to look back and remember life before hearing aids…but also so sweet—I have grown so much because of my loss, not simply in spite of it—and I think this year I want to celebrate that—to celebrate that God uses hard things to humble, He hurts to heal. That my life changed inexplicably 5 years ago—but it hasn’t been as horrible as I thought it would be—in fact, it has brought a lot of hope. I have hope that I can persevere, that I can adapt, that I can ask for help and it doesn’t mean I’m helpless. Additionally, this week was weighty because grieving, like ogres, is like onions…lots of layers some of which choose to expose themselves very much like onions—causing you to tear up randomly while sipping a seasonal latte at Starbucks.
With all that said—the rest of this post will be more of a list; my personal Pollyanna “glad game”. But I also want to remember the things I am longing for….not forgetting all the things I love.
Longing: fire pit bbq’s and laughter with old friends, movie nights, the smell of fresh Kenya rain, monkeys crossing my path, having to watch my step on a “sidewalk”, children calling out “how are you?!”, walking everywhere, street side markets, volleyball nights, acoustic worship, sleeping under a mosquito net, being able to call getting groceries exercise because of carrying them the 15 minute walk back, badminton, tree house Bible study and reading time, communal dinners, Masai markets, crossing the street like frogger, hiking up my skirt to leap over a puddle, greeting everyone with handshakes, mendazi, chapatti, instant community, the sound of a good Kenyan downpour, living within walking distance of all my friends, beautiful vases by dusty roads, red dirt, Habeshas, pizza-flavored bagel chips, …
Loving: holiday decorations, cinnamon scented—everything, evening drives peppered with Christmas lights, reading The Best Christmas Pageant Ever and sharing it with kids, gingerbread lattes and cookies, Acoustic Christmas Music, Advent Carols at church, re-reading the Anne of Green Gables series, holiday movies, skype, finding and re-reading old letters, crisp air, chunky scarves, surprising sunny days, children’s honesty and joy…
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