The Mercy of Mystery

           Over the last few years I have become increasingly aware of the fact that mystery is a necessary and inevitable aspect of life. Try as we may we can never fully plan our lives out. Our planners can be full of activities, “to do” lists, and good intentions that never end; and are almost always derailed or delayed by the unpredictable characteristics of life.  Usually we respond with frustration, rooted in pride and fear. We want to maintain our illusion of control in an attempt for “certainty” and security. But it always fails—interrupted by tragedy and occasionally triumph—leaving our sense of control in shambles. I’ve learned the one thing we can control is our response; anger or acceptance, fear or trust.

            Personally, it has been through my hearing loss and other circumstances (unexpected death in the family, lack of funding for school, for instance) that I have been confronted with my idol of control and received much mercy from my Savior. It is in the midst of life’s pain and uncertainties that we are forced to examine where our true sources of hope, fulfillment, and security lie. Is it  in my abilities, friendships/relationships, vocation, health? And if so, the lack of or stress in each of those areas causes quite an emotional upheaval when they are threatened or lost. Security is quickly shaken when its foundation is in temporal and unpredictable things. Through struggle in each of those areas in my own life the mercy of mystery has been revealed.

            When life is turned upside-down it is an opportunity for our vision and perspective to become right-side-up. In one of my last classes at Trinity Western University, my professor opened a discussion on “how do you know what you know?” and included the facet of mystery- rhetorically asking if we were comfortable or at least accepting of the truth that all of life contains mystery. “Are you okay with mystery in your life? Can you admit that there are things you simply cannot know, and are you okay with that?” While that discussion was well over a year and a half ago, its impact was lasting. A couple of years prior I had discovered my hearing loss and because of that, gone through a rough season of wrestling with mystery. “Would I lose all my hearing? If so, when? Will I ever hear my husband (heck, will I ever get married?!) tell me he loves me or hear the laughter of my children?” For quite some time those questions frequently haunted my thoughts. Not that I was necessarily trying to solve them, --but reconcile them by having “plans” in place so I could “deal with” with their possible presence in my life.  It was a miserable way to live. Living in “what if’s” cripples our freedom to live in the present.

            It was in the weeks after that class discussion that I began to see Christ’s mercy in mystery. You see, when we are in the throws of suffering and all its pain and uncertainty, we are in a place where we can begin to build our security on a true, sure foundation—namely, Christ. In His infinite mercy He allows mystery, suffering, and shambled sources of security so we can see Him, cling to Him, put our security in Him. The Bible is filled with examples of this. Oh, but we have a choice-we can choose new, fallacious idols of security. For a time, mine was in diet and exercise—a good thing made a “god thing” in an attempt to “regain mastery” over a body that was suddenly physically failing me in my hearing. In the same way, Jesus mercifully enters into each of our sufferings in order to redeem them to draw us to Himself.  In His mercy He allows idols to fall so we can see His provision and certainty. 

            Presently, my life is still full of mystery—those haunting questions of my early years of loss are still there. But instead of temptations to doubt and fear—they are tethers, reminders to trust in the midst of mystery. I have to thank Jesus for mystery, from my Saturday evening plans to a hope for marriage—mystery prevails in the details but is purposeful and addressed by prayer.

            So, are you okay with mystery? Can you see it as a means of mercy rather than a maddening cycle? I pray so; for in mystery there is great purpose and mercy don’t miss it.